In the future we'll all be gay
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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