a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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