well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
and you fell through a lawn chair
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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