forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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