Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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