News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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