Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
