I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
