How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
