She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
