it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why is your signature on my underwear?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
