And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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