he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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