pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
