dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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