I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
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Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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