guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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