I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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