Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
