My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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