my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize