i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize