i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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