I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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