i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
