the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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