I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
