Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?

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  (908): so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts? http://tfl.nu/ocmm
  Replies (49) Good night (1574) Bad night (6003)
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  (951): View more from California

  Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.

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  (951): Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already. http://tfl.nu/bhvw
  Replies (64) Good night (5078) Bad night (1006)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.

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  (780): he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem. http://tfl.nu/ak11
  Replies (15) Good night (878) Bad night (4581)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  you traded sex for a burrito?

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  (715): you traded sex for a burrito? http://tfl.nu/sk1d
  Replies (35) Good night (5431) Bad night (1504)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

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  (612): I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm http://tfl.nu/twuk
  Replies (21) Good night (3779) Bad night (4581)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday

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  (307): Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday http://tfl.nu/9dt4
  Replies (14) Good night (4400) Bad night (1156)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

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  (678): I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks. http://tfl.nu/fb5x
  Replies (8) Good night (2826) Bad night (721)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.

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  (859): I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana. http://tfl.nu/vvio
  Replies (43) Good night (1368) Bad night (3571)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!

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  (336): All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts... (1-336): Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER! http://tfl.nu/l2ol
  Replies (3) Good night (1505) Bad night (640)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

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  (312): Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog http://tfl.nu/dk0r
  Replies (23) Good night (5133) Bad night (968)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hahaha. That's funny.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship

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  (847): That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am (248): Hahaha. That's funny. (847): But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship http://tfl.nu/cr13
  Replies (6) Good night (3336) Bad night (658)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan

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  (813): I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan http://tfl.nu/4qu1
  Replies (4) Good night (1102) Bad night (521)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.

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  (269): They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/6jfd
  Replies (10) Good night (484) Bad night (1490)
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  (076): View more from

  He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.

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  (076): He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid. http://tfl.nu/ww4m
  Replies (3) Good night (1097) Bad night (299)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her

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  (+44): I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her http://tfl.nu/5w2j
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (263)

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