Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

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  (305): My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit. http://tfl.nu/7g7j
  Replies (32) Good night (4104) Bad night (1024)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.

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  (240): she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever. http://tfl.nu/656k
  Replies (27) Good night (5885) Bad night (693)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

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  (508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr
  Replies (34) Good night (9915) Bad night (1558)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

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  (616): I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night. http://tfl.nu/m0ls
  Replies (68) Good night (2202) Bad night (4028)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

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  (404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx
  Replies (16) Good night (5329) Bad night (3644)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.

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  (206): My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas. http://tfl.nu/jpxs
  Replies (13) Good night (6383) Bad night (915)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.

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  (406): I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight. (1-406): Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it. http://tfl.nu/p8t9
  Replies (10) Good night (3528) Bad night (1028)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird

  (269): View more from Michigan

  OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO

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  (269): all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird (269): OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO http://tfl.nu/9b3x
  Replies (3) Good night (2037) Bad night (896)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic

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  (979): He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic http://tfl.nu/8ocy
  Replies (10) Good night (2596) Bad night (1130)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Boobs are out for the taking

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  (404): Boobs are out for the taking http://tfl.nu/yo2g
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (319)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?

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  (306): just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays? http://tfl.nu/3o82
  Replies (2) Good night (1058) Bad night (390)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.

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  (217): and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear. http://tfl.nu/et11
  Replies (1) Good night (310) Bad night (706)
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  (315): View more from New York

  For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon

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  (315): For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon http://tfl.nu/xulz
  Replies (4) Good night (1110) Bad night (384)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG

  (972): View more from Texas

  BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY

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  (954): I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG (972): BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY http://tfl.nu/u33r
  Replies (0) Good night (911) Bad night (407)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!

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  (617): he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!! http://tfl.nu/1f7f
  Replies (0) Good night (337) Bad night (199)

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