I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
