Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Two words: blizzard sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.