Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..