my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.