how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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