there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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