we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
