man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
