why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
