I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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