he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
