Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
