Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
