If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
