Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
