After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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