I hate all girls vehemently.
I just threw up on my dentist
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
