Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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