i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.