I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
