i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
