so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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