I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
