you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
