The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
