I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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