wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My feet surprised me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
