i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
