I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
