it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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